I wanted to be able to say, "I'm glad I was born."
I wanted to laugh, saying, "The sun and wind feel so nice."
That– was all I ever wanted.
But now I don't want to see anything.
I'm tired now.
I don't want to see anything anymore.
- Shining Hearts: Shiawase no Pan
In 2013, psychological problems (and situational migraine headaches) that had been growing finally overcame me, and I was forced to quit work and school. I still continued my hobbies, but, when I started trying medications, I started having issues with excessive exhaustion and feeling suffocated all the time, as well as my joint problems getting worse. In late 2014, I essentially gave up composing music and most everything else dear to me because it had all become too damn painful.
It doesn't make sense.
The doctor insisted on higher doses of increasingly dangerous medications. But I grew tired of feeling especially horrible while taking antidepressants and antipsychotics. Each one was a terrible experience. Now I'm looking for another solution. I want a doctor that will actually try to figure out what is wrong with me.
In the mean time, I am dead, broken. My wings have been clipped. Or torn off, rather. I may never fly again- I have to be prepared for that. At least I can still smile. I can still enjoy some of the beautiful things in life.
Eventually my financial savings will run out. What will I do then? I don't know. Does it matter?
I'm tired now. I don't want to see anything anymore.
TheNGVirus
I'm not being some kind of troll here. I'm dead serious
I recommend weed. It calms you down and makes the world a tiny bit better.
It's not the best solution to your problems, but it sure as hell takes care of mine.
Please don't take this Idea the wrong way
I love you,
MissVirus
Krichotomy
Thanks for your advice and support. Unfortunately, even when I'm calm and without a care, I still have the issues that prevent me from succeeding. That is: Exhaustion, headache, confusion...