Could this music be the secret behind them relaxation techniques you spoke of? It's a soothing tune, melancholy and hopeful at the same time.
I'm in a rather stagnant phase of life myself, not feeling purposeless as I write this, but that goes in waves, I think it has to do with how much I have to occupy my mind: when there's no time for thought then things seem well; I am accomplishing maybe not inner visions and dreams - but something. And when something is accomplished, the scale tilts a bit in favor of hope, no matter how small the accomplishment, especially in helping other people with the most trivial of tasks - I feel useful.
I don't really have any words of wisdom to offer here, you seem to be on the right path... relaxing... appreciating the details in life... looking for a job that'd offer peace of mind and satisfaction... best of luck with achieving!
S3C
This blog pretty much sums up how I've felt about myself for the last two years or so. My sentiments and situations exactly, minus having an engineering degree. I feel as if I have no purpose, and my existence is currently meaningless. And that conclusive statement about your mind being a prison of creativity hits home hard, for sure. I think most people are that way, some people are better than expressing their creativity than others; while some just block out creative thoughts all together. I like math and science but my passion will always be music, too. I start questioning myself and get frustrated when I get serious with such as well-the main reasons I stopped pursuing music in school was due to a weak mental state about the issue. Later to only realize that I feel I'm not good enough in my current area of study, which will probably be a mental block wherever I go-the only difference being I don't need to audition to get in.
No one is immediately an expert. The fact that you have a degree in engineering, let alone working on a PhD, makes you have a set of practical skills that are more marketable than what 90% of other people have. I mean you are pursuing a doctorate in frickin engineering, not women's studies. Minimum offense intended for those who hold a doctorate in women's studies.
I have an ongoing discussion and newspost about this exact, existential state of being on my webpage, albeit being less organized and well written...if you care to stop by. peace
Krichotomy
Thank you. I read a quote recently that said that we are critical of our own work because the reality that we create can never be as perfect or magical as the ideas that exist in our minds.
I did will getting the degree in engineering- almost all A's, top of most of my classes, the teachers all loved me... but it was freaking painful because I have trouble focusing on things. If I weren't a deep-thinking perfectionist I probably could not have done it at all. Can I do engineering for the rest of my life? Most likely, yes. But I'm afraid that such a job would drive me insane because of my sensitive mind that seems to grow more sensitive as time goes by. It does not help that I am never given time and space to take a real break. That is why I want a simple mindless job. So my brain can at least have a vacation so that I am able to see clearly what are viable paths for my future.
It is weird, though, how my emotions vary. Yesterday night was very strange because I still had all the same problems, yet I felt excited for my future. I didn't care about all the hardships - all I knew was to keep trying. I wish I could always feel like that.
I am reading your most recent news post. I have thoughts, and will try to reply.